Your face, Lord, I will seek.

Today, I’m laying down fear, I'm opening my heart for promised peace, and I’m clinging to Psalm 27.

I just got scheduled for three more nerve blocks. The first one is tomorrow morning.

So fast.

I don’t even have time to process being afraid. Maybe that’s a gift. I don’t have time to process the possibilities and the what-if’s. Maybe that’s God—protecting my heart.

I had four of these in January of 2015. They were all flawless procedures. But at that point, the disease was so fresh. I signed release forms each time, sure that the possible outcomes wouldn’t apply to me.

And then, half a year later, I had two great months. Two beautiful summer months of walking and dancing and baby-holding and driving and…freedom.

{how much do we take for granted when those possible outcomes haven’t applied to us yet?}

This time, I’ve had plenty of time to read. To listen. To ask. To see the what-if’s. To ponder those what-if’s.

We all have what-if’s, right?

But, like I’ve been learning—I need to turn my what-if’s into even-if’s.

Because, really, I want my heart to reflect the words of Psalm 27:1:

“The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?”

This Psalm is my anthem as I limp towards tomorrow, praying to be one step closer to walking the day after.

“One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple,” (Psalm 27:4).

One thing. One thing I ask.

Can that be our hearts?

What would it take? What would we have to let go of? What would we need to surrender? What would we have to quit doing? What would we need to stop asking?

One thing. If our heart’s desire was really just one thing:

Just to gaze. To seek. To dwell.

No matter what. Because God is beautiful. Because God is worth it.

“My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, I will seek,” (Psalm 27:8).

What do you need to lay down today, in exchange for this one thing?  

• Is it fear of what will happen to you or your family?
• Is it control over how things turn out or how everything looks?
• Is it pride and wanting to get to be right?
• Is it discontentment and constantly wanting something more or something different?
• Is it something else?

Today, I’m laying down the fear of what-if.

I’m going to go in tomorrow morning with confidence in my ever-present, always-loving God.

One thing I ask…

Your face, Lord, I will seek. 

On another note...

Gretchen Saffles is the creator of Life Lived Beautifully and one of the sweetest, most genuine people I know. I deeply admire her incredible ministry, her steady wisdom, her deeply rooted faith, and her joy-filled life. She helps me, daily, to trust God and to lean into Him for everything.

I'm deeply humbled to have the honor of sharing the story God has been weaving in my life on her blog this week!

You can read it over HERE.

Be sure to follow Gretchen on Instagram @LifeLivedBeautifully and @LLBShop. She'll fill your soul to the brim!